The nighttime Paraguay River taught me more self-confidence than any University degree

The clock reads 3:16am and I just got back behind the sticks ready to row for another hour. We’d been rowing since 6pm, having waited out the rain for 2 days. And after the torrential downpours, the sky cleared and we embarked once again.

Photo: Henry Maillet

At this point, we’ve rowed 400km in the past 2.5 months, and my body went into auto-pilot. I pulled the oars into me, propelling the boat at a steady 4.6km per hour.

The nighttime bats fly overhead - they are our evening companions, eating the mosquitos that are also eating at us.

I slap at a mosquito on my neck. I missed.

I only hear the continuous song of the shoreline frogs and the soft dip of the oar in the water.

My only guide to know our distance from shore is the starlight that shines down from above. The recent rain has cleared the air and allowed for the moonless evening’s stars to illuminate our path. In 1 hour, Henry and I will switch again and I’ll close my eyes to rest until I row once more.

But now, briefly, I look up and I see the night sky littered with thousands upon thousands of stars, exploding above me.

And suddenly, I am in awe.

How could it be, that we are so teeny tiny small, yet the universe is so humongous big? With the millions and billions of stars out there?

Seeing the stars above, I feel a growing sense of reverie inside me. Perhaps, a feeling not so unique to the stars; rather, what man feels upon witnessing any natural wonder. Maybe you’ve felt it before, too. At the top of a mountain, at the ocean’s edge? Inside a canyon or at the foot of a waterfall?

I realize that it is the devout strength of a universal power that is awakened inside me, once dormant.

Photo: Henry Maillet

And the limitlessness of the night sky reminds me of the incredible fortune and tragedy of the world. Of the great accomplishments of man and also man’s failures. Of sacrifice and humility. Of greed and temptation.

The infinity of the universe parallels the infinity of the human spirit. Of the immense possibilities that I wield in the world. The potential that exists inside every man, woman, and child.

And you, too.

That is why our thoughts and actions on a moment to moment basis are of divine importance. It is our duty to construct the building blocks, one by one, of our spiritual selves.

Patience.

For all things worthwhile take time.

Love.

For others and for oneself, coupled with compassion.

And courage.

To face our own inadequacies head on.

I look to the shore and can make out the faint shadowy horizon of the trees. I look behind me toward the darkness ahead. I am struck by a pang of fear.

Be not scared, I heard in my head. Be not worried. Be not weak. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. With your bright light of a soul and spirit. Listen to the growl of the darkness ahead. Hear the clang of its claws.

What lies ahead is a monster. A new one.

You shall go forth with your sword and shield; you will have to continue to fight for your potential.

Through patience, love, and courage.

The gimmicks will fall away. The protection. The excuses. And you’ll be left naked to the monster, left with just your own devices.

The monster rears its head. The claw of Temptation swipes at me. Just get a normal job. It’s way easier. Then you can buy the new headphones you always wanted.

My shield protected me. I am enough, I say to myself.

This time, the claw of Insecurity swipes at my head. You’ve already reached your limit. This project is big enough, and plus you could never have done it alone.

This time, I counter with my sword. I grow through discomfort and challenge, I say.

The devout strength of the transcendent flows through me, giving me the tools to overcome the present battle. Ironically, for the monster, every time I subdue its attacks, I grow stronger - wielding with ever greater resolute strength to conquer the monster, the challenge, the project, the day, the moment.

I look back up toward the night sky. The Milky Way lies directly above us.

I slap my neck at a mosquito. I got him.

I breathe in. I breathe out. It’s 3:34AM. I continue to row.